Vacant Chapter 18 Twelve Years Later

Its something I want to do, babe.Emily stands silent, aromaing at me like Im a two-headed monster.Please say something. I really cant handle the silence. Its crazy, I fill in. mediocre say its a bad idea. I feel like a balloon deflating.My married woman slowly moves to where I pace in front of the couch. Ethan, afterward fifteen years totakeher, you mum have the ability to surprise me.Her expression has softened. This means shes going to let me down easy. Thats just Emily. She neer says no, never yells, and never makes me feel guilty shell just phrase something so I realize how fundamentally bad the idea is and trust me, in that respect have been some repellant ideas over the years.You argon the most virile, yet sen presentive, man I live onHere it comes, the compliment followed by the let-down. Lets make the appointment.I know I look like, as Mark would say, a total douche right now. My son has many great qualities, but his honesty is often overwhelming. Nevertheless, I fin d that hes rarely wrong.Um, what? I need clarification, because it sounds like she just agreed to this.I said, set up the appointment. We have been through so much, and we know what its like, Ethan. If we can set up mortal else with the opportunity to live in a safe environment, to grow, and be part of a family, then lets do it.Emily wants to do this with no reasoning, and no explanation, she agrees to this life-changing idea. I know my wife is an extraordinary person, and today she proves there are no exceptions.Should we talk to Mark first? I want this to be a family decision, and this affects our son as well as Emily and me.Your son takes after you in the compassion department, sweetheart. I dont recover we have anything to worry nearly. As a matter of fact, I gestate youll find him to be a little excited ab fall out the news. As usual, it seems my wife may be privileged to information I am not.It result be hard, Emily.She smiles.Nothing worth doing is ever easy, Ethan.Wel come to Cornerstones Ministries, Mr. Parker.Thanks, Erin, Im excited to do this.We are exceptionally pleased that you have returned to us as a mentor. As you know, sometimes our stories dont have happy endings. So, to have one of our own be a success and want to come back and mentor I about think shell cry. Its specific to us to have you here, Ethan.After Mark was out of the toddler stage, I decided to volunteer for ongoing work with kids placed in the system. They were there for a variety of reasons, not just those abandoned by their parents or abuse/neglect cases. I was supposed to do tutoring, mentoring, or schoolroom/school assistance, but honestly, I just wanted to take the kids to a ball game or whatever, just to give them something normal.Tanner was my fifth Buddy.I have something a little different this time, Ethan if youre up for it. My previous Buddies had been kids from group homes where there was no family involvement.Tanner is seven. He lives at home with his mom. E rins face begins to scour a bit. She has a terminal cancer diagnosis theyve given her about six months. Theres no family, so Janice has decided to begin working with us for practical foster placement or adoption. Erin sets down her pen and looks at her hands. I can tell this one has gotten to her.We need person to fill the void. Jan is so sick, and she cant do much with Tanner. Is this something you think you could handle? The way shes looking up at me tells me theres something else. I give her a look that suggests I expect as much.HeI take a deep breath, bracing for whatever it is.Hes also autistic.I went to the library and read every journal article I could get my hands on. If I was going to mentor this kid, I wanted to know what I was in for. Emily was awesome, too. She gave me a lot of strategies for working with him given his limited communication capabilities and responsiveness. Erin also recommended I take a course in dealing with behavior as Tanner had frequent meltdowns. While a typical claw has tantrums, he would have fits uttermosting hours. No amount of coaxing or pleading would make a difference. Tanner would harm himself and others in the process, but it never detoured our decision to keep him.The first month was a little rocky, and by rocky I mean there were huge fucking boulders. However, it never go through my mind to give up on Tanner. Not only was this kid watching his mother die, he couldnt even express how he was feeling about it in a typical manner. His expression manifested in screaming and biting instead of crying or saying he was sad.Outings were always interesting, to say the least. The last seven months had been better, though. Id learned what his triggers were by meeting with his behavior therapist so I could keep up with his program and provide some consistency.The last couple of months, wed gone to a restaurant, eaten an entire meal, and left again without a tantrum. There was definite progress.Last week, Erin had called wi th news that Janice was in the hospital and being moved to hospice. They would provide comfort and care in her final days. Erin let me know they were going to set up some panel interviews for prospective foster families and asked if I could marrow them.While none of the families were bad, none of them were good at least for Tanner. When I asked them how they would deal with his special needs, there was usually a long pause, followed by an incertain smile. That told me they had no clue, and that worried me.Emily and I went to Cornerstones the day after I came home with the idea of taking Tanner. She said I was there when she needed me, and now someone else required my attention. Erin was encouraged by my our decision to take Tanner. She felt he would continue to make strides with our family, even after Janice passed. There seemed to be a embodied sigh of relief that a plan was in place.So, its official. The Family Services worker approved your application. You will be Tanners fo ster family for the next year. At the end of that year, should you still wish to pursue it, you can petition for adoption. The judge granted and signed a temporary placement order for Tanner to live with you. When Jan has Erin cant finish, but I know what shes getting at, so I finish for her. Then, well get permanent guardianship.Yes.The judge signed the order for temporary guardianship at 307 this afternoon.Janice has been in a drug-induced coma for the last three days, and has no knowledge of Emilys and my intent to foster Tanner.Do you think we should go see Janice and tell her? I know shes unconscious, but then Id at least feel like we were somehow asking for her bless I dont finish as Emilys phone rings with Erins special ringtone. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change, cause youre amazing just the way Fucking Bruno Mars.Hello.We left the courthouse ten minutes ago Erin mustve forget to tell us something.I glance to Emily as she listens to Erin on th e other end of the line. Her smile softens and then her face turns grim. I suddenly wonder if there is a problem. I look up in the rear-view mirror at Tanner. Hes sitting stock still and perfectly straight in the seat, looking out the window. Mark can tell something is wrong, but he stays silent waiting for us to say something.Oh.Then, Emily nods as if Erin can see her. Her eyes are turning glassy and I know what that means. I pull over to the side of the road. Tanner begins to rock since the car has stopped and then starts to moan. The longer we sit still, the louder his moans get.I r severally for Emilys hand, my silent question waiting for verification.She passed at 312 p.m. Its like she knew, Ethan. Emily begins to cry while Tanner groans. She knew he was okay.I think Tanner knows, too. People assume he doesnt understand because he cant express it, but I think he does.Now, Im torn. Do I comfort my wife or my new son? Lets move to the back seat, I whisper.We sit on the shoulder o f Route 35, in the back seat of our two-year-old Corolla, embracing each other. Emily and I sandwich our boys between us as Tanner continues to rock and hum.This, too, shall pass, my wife whispers as she we hold our new family together and continue living.